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Dec. 25th, 2008

h o l i d a y H E L L .

So here's how my Christmas went down.

My dad was around, yeah, but he always manages to piss me off during Christmas. To him, I have no life outside these walls. While I am thankful for all that he has given and done for me, I cannot BELIEVE how much of an idiot he is. He gets mad at me for driving my SUV... says I'm going to get it dirty and wreck it. NEWS FLASH! Who was the one who drove my SUV and TOTALED the entire back in a parking lot driving 5 mph? Yeah, NOT ME. Furthermore, IT'S MY FUCKING CAR. I will drive it wherever I want, whenever I want. I pay the fucking insurance. I pay gas money.

Okay, so how does this all fit in? I told my dad that I was planning on shopping tomorrow because of all the day after Christmas sales going on. Then I told him I was going to lunch with friends that I haven't seen since last year (some since graduation!) and going to the movies. He asked me what car I was taking. Like he had to fucking ask. The man knew my plans. It's the same EVERY FUCKING YEAR. He gets pissy. Tells me that I can't do ANYTHING tomorrow because he wants me to WAIT AROUND ALL DAY for a friend that MAY OR MAY NOT be dropping by. Seriously? SERIOUSLY!

Then there's mother dearest. She totally pulled a curveball on me. When we went shopping this past Saturday, I insisted on paying. However, she said it was her gift to me. So imagine my surprise just now when she asks for payment. At first I thought she meant the money I received for Christmas from dad so that she could put it in my bank account. We do this every year so its no big deal. NO. Instead, she wanted money back for our shopping trip! WHAT THE FUCK! She said it was A GIFT. A FUCKING GIFT. Do you seriously buy someone a gift, then ask for them to pay you back? I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't. So I just forked over 400 bucks of my Christmas money to "pay her back." I still can't get over it.

Seriously???

And I'm even more annoyed because this was the first Christmas holiday I didn't spend at Aileen's. Usually I enjoy Christmas and I don't get THIS pissed off. Maybe that's why. Maybe it's because I stay the fuck away from my kooky family. I love them and all, but it doesn't mean I have to like them 24/7. I probably sound like the world's most ungrateful brat right now, bitching about material possessions... but seriously, these past few hours threw me for a loop

I had the highest hopes. Everything was going great! I actually thought my family would've made it through Christmas without an argument. I should have known better than to make early assumptions. Two hours left of the 25th. Fuck. WE NEARLY MADE IT BY TWO HOURS.

Oct. 29th, 2008

r e a l i t y C H E C K .

Let's be honest. We are all pretty self-centered. I don't mean to sound condescending, but honestly, usually all we worry about is number one: me, myself, and I. It isn't a bad thing. Really, it isn't. But it's a big wake up call when you realize that there are things going on in the everyday world that are bigger than you and your problems.

Tonight I find myself wondering how I got to this place. I would like to think of myself as a person who cares about others. And I would hope that most of you would agree. However, lately all I have been worrying about were my midterms and getting homework done. Now I know that school is important, but it just seems to dwindle in comparison to a lot of other issues. I feel so incompetent and my issues seem so trivial.

Another person in my life died the other day. It's so SAD to think that it took someone's death for me to realize all these things. Furthermore, it has made me realized how little time we have on this earth. Time shouldn't be wasted on such petty arguments and disputes. See, this wonderful person died alone and nobody came to help. While many would argue that it was old age, I know better. The night shift at the hospital failed to respond in a timely matter to an emergency page from a patient. And to think that her life could have been saved, to think that she would still be alive today really blows my mind. It also makes me wonder...

What took the nurses so long? What were they doing? An emergency page is an emergency page. I understand that it is late and that sometimes pages are false. But are you willing to risk everything by NOT responding? What were the last thoughts going through her head? Will anyone come? Why isn't anybody coming? Am I going to die?

Scotty was a wonderful patient that I encountered when I used to volunteer at the nursing home my mom works at. She would always smile and greeted me with a hello every morning that I delivered her newspaper, avid fan of Sudoku you see. You mainlanders may not understand the tradition, but on graduation we get leis. On my graduation, I received two leis from Scotty: a flower one and a woven one. She made both. The past few Christmases, I would receive more homemade trinkets from Scotty. It just blows my mind that in spite of the fact I only worked with her for one summer, she remembered me. And it definitely brings a tear to my eye that I was always in her prayers because she and my mom were close. She would know about the days I would not be feeling well and would say a prayer for me.

And I feel like a horrible person. I haven't been at all religious lately. I haven't been keeping up with my prayers. I haven't been going to Sunday mass like I should. To think that she kept me and my family in her daily prayers just makes me feel AWFUL. Like, who was praying for her and her wellbeing? The reason she was in a nursing home was because she really had no family to turn to... WE were her family. And I felt like I had let her down in the biggest way possible.

I know Scotty wouldn't want me to feel bad right now. She always encouraged me to smile and bring that joy to the world. She could always tell a fake smile from a genuine one. "Smile and none of that fake crap." Scotty also said I would bring change. Now I realize that there are bigger things than me. We ALL need to realize that. Hopefully I can make Scotty proud... wherever she is.

So I will try to genuinely smile...
And start thinking more about others.

I really do hope I make her proud because she had so much faith in me.

Oct. 23rd, 2008

f r u s t a t i o n .

I am frustrated with school at the moment. Honestly? I am starting to question how a piece of fucking paper can mean so much to a person. I know that a degree opens up more doors into the working world, but seriously? I am waning down. I am fed up with professors who can't get over themselves. Get off your fucking high horse and actually devote your time to helping your students instead of making them feel like shit. I'm sorry. That is NOT what teaching should be about. I am just looking forward to this weekend. Tomorrow, 2*Sweet at The Beat Kitchen... and I really want to go to Danger Radio and Family Force 5 at the House of Blues on Saturday. Any takers?

Sep. 18th, 2008

t r a n s i t i o n .

I feel I am at that point in life where I need to grow up. I know I'm just nineteen but I don't know. I'm starting to not enjoy things that I used to do as much anymore. I suppose it's heavily due to the fact I am now a junior at Loyola and still feel utterly unaccomplished. I'm scared, I will be honest, of my future. Just yesterday I had a job interview at Water Tower Place. It was unexpected. I was not expecting to go to the mall and walking into a job. Oh well. I hope I get it. I can't rely on mother and father to cover all my financial expenses forever. If only... But that's besides the point. During my job interview, I kept thinking "What AM I going to do after graduation?" I've contemplated heavily on getting my masters degree, but I'm not so sure anymore. School is starting to put a damper on my spirits. I just want to get over with it. Although, Loyola does offer a part-time MBA program... So I guess I could do that while I make money. Employee by day, student by night. Oh dear. That means going to less shows. But I guess I do have to grow up sometime. I suppose that means cutting back on leisurely activities.

But I'm still nineteen. I will be turning twenty in two months. I'm not so sure what I will be doing for my birthday since it falls on Thanksgiving weekend. Speaking of Thanksgiving weekend, I guess I won't be spending it with family. With the economy being all fucked up, I want to save and make as much money as possible. Honestly, I better get a move on it now. The baby boomers are reaching retirement age and damn... If we don't do something now, we won't any freaking retirement money! Solution? I don't know. I was going to say kill the baby boomers... but I'm not evil like that. Find an ethical solution to ensure our money, get back to me.

Weird post, I know... Then again, today is a weird kind of day for me. I just want it to be the weekend. Well, tomorrow is Friday. Yay. Then again, I have an exam tomorrow. Suddenly I'm not so chipper. Fuck you business stats. Thank you for ruining my tomorrow.

xoxo

Sep. 14th, 2008

w o w .

It certainly has been a good amount of time since my last posting. Nothing exciting has really happened within that time frame. So far it's just been school and watching Gossip Girl. Not exactly the basis for long winded tales. Anywho, it's raining. How utterly depressing. My sunny disposition is dampened by the drip dropping of droplets against my "sixteenth" floor windows. I do hope you all are doing well.

Live. Breathe. Be.
xoxo

Aug. 17th, 2008

p l e a d i n g .

Please keep my family in your prayers. That is all.

Aug. 6th, 2008

(no subject)

Well, more like ten. So as most of you know... Jenna, Ellen, and I embarked on our Warped Tour journey not too long ago. Our day started out at five am for our long drive from Chicago to Philly. I had first shift and I was mildly surprised that my driving wasn't bad considering that it was super early. We made our breakfast stop at a Burger King (which became one of many) and to make the entire story short, we got to Philly many of hours later. I'm pretty sure that people thought we were bums at all of our rest stops. YAY FOR SWEATS AND PJS!!! Dinner was amazing thanks to Ellen's wonderful sister who took us to a casual Italian place where I got to put my Italian skills to use. Got back to the apartment. Watched Jumper. Showered. Bed.

July 25

Hello Philly!!! Or shall we say Camden, NJ? Anywho, this was our first day of working. We waited outside for a few minutes and spoke to some bands and PETA workers. I felt kinda bad when we were brushing the bands off when they tried to sell us their CDs and get us to listen to their music. Then I remembered a bunch of them from before and already had their music. Besides, we had eight more chances to get their CDs! So whatever. Katie got us and let me point out that she's hilarious. She got 2 out of 3 wristband straight... apparently that's an accomplishment for her. HAHA. Anywho, I'm trying to remember what bands we saw that day... but for the life of me I can't remember. Scary how nine days mush up into one. Oh wait, now I remember. We were right across from the main stages and Reel Big Fish was on first! I remember cause us cool cats were dancing around. Jenna of course had the biggest smile on her face. Ellen was on her SK a lot (then again, they became our lifelines). Oh right. How do I forget mentioning the three girls we met that were working the GG? Right. So their names are Erinn (yes, with two n's), Lauren, and Melissa. Erinn was really rude to Jenna so we all decided that we didn't like them. I mean, really? At least have some justification and be a bitch to me. The one thing I learned today? FUCK DETOURS.

July 26

Oh my gosh. We woke up late that morning. We were set for waking up at five but all of us were so tired that we didn't hear it go off. Luckily we woke up an hour later instead of at oh say... nine. Anywho, we got our shit together and had cereal for breakfast instead of getting Denny's like we planned. This was the day I believe I nearly killed us. I've decided that I never want to drive in New York ever again. We got to the venue at 9:28am. This was the day where we waited outside for an hour and a half. What a rough morning. Jenna, Ellen, and I had to deal with a real D-Bag on our way in when Katie finally came to get us. It was funny. Ellen and I were on the verge of leaving (but we wouldn't) when Katie shows up with Rody of Protest The Hero. Talk about uplifting your spirits, right? Anywho, let me tell you about the D-Bag. First of all, NEVER LAY YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN! Furthermore, PAY ATTENTION! Seriously. Katie was shaking with anger when that butthole grabbed Ellen by the wrist. I have one thing to say... Rody. WTF. You're a man, why didn't you step in? Ah. Whatever. We got in and small chatted with Rody... He wanted cigs, but we weren't packin'. We were set up by Smartpunk that day... as well as that stupid Sirius tent. I was annoyed with their chatter. Whatever. Ellen, Jenna, and I held the fort down as usual. Ellen went on her usual bathroom hunt and found out that they were super far. Everyone kept visiting GG/KAB. I lost track of how many people in bands stopped by. Oh! Ellen and I caught ATL's acoustic set that day. I remember cause their tour manager GLARED at me when Erinn shoved me right into the tent. I was like "Oh fuck. Not my fault." Whatever. OH! How do I talk about NY without talking about the adorable artist that dropped by our tent. He was Lisa's friend from high school and a complete sweetie. Jenna, Ellen, and I took care of him all day. We told him where to paint, grabbed him waters, and gave him a chair. Funny thing, we went to Chipotle for dinner and low and behold... HE WAS THERE!!! I love that dude. I would've given him a hug if I wasn't so sweaty... Oh! And this was the day my SK decided to fall apart. "OMG! Where's the button! Oh, it's stuck to my shoe!"

July 27

Oh Scranton. It seems that any story that Ellen and I come up with ends up being the Scranton date. Although, we always think it's some other date. Jenna always has to remind us. Hahaha. So much for short term memory! Oh well... moving along. During our drive we stopped and got some gas and Cinnabon, which was delicious by the way (the Cinnabon not the gasoline). The venue was so easy to get into. Seriously. The three of us just walked in. The day was rather cloudy with a thirty percent chance of rain and thunderstorms. You know, I think thirty percent on weather.com is code for IT'S GONNA POUR BITCHES!!! Honestly, the same went for last year at the Cincinnati date! For the most part of the day it was mostly sunny until the afternoon. Before I get to that, Ellen and I went on a bathroom search after set-up. We found that the bathrooms were a fucking canoe ride and walk through the woods away (over-exaggeration but you get the picture). The set-up, we decided, was shit. It was like the merch room for the House Of Blues in Chicago (in Jenna's words). Took forever and a fucking day just to get back to the tent whenever any of us decided to leave for a break! At one point, Jenna and I were walking back when people started PUSHING. I swear, there was probably a mosh pit in between somewhere. Whatever. In the afternoon, it starts POURING. Ellen, Jenna, GG/KAB, and I had to pack up half our shit and house a shitload of kids in our tent. People were starting to get on my nerves for their pointless shrieking. Honestly. STFU before I make you. That's okay. When it was all over. TAI played and Ellen decided that Beckett looks better in sleeveless shirts and we all decided that he's delicate with a waifish figure. Anyway, we peaced out early and went to Exit 95 where there was a Denny's next to a McDonalds and a Comfort Inn (inside joke). They charged Ellen wrong for her drink, but whatever... we got our Denny's.

July 28

Sad day. We packed up all of our stuff and said our goodbyes (well, wrote our goodbyes) to Leigh and Irene. That night we'd be sleeping in a hotel instead of someone's apartment. Anywho, we got Burger King again that morning. Large Number 5 please!!! I also believe this was the day Jenna, Ellen, and I got our "king hats" (haha... it's a joke). We were set up so that we could see two stages (an unnamed one and Highway 1). This was the day Erica and Katie decided to be crazy and sing songs on top of the merch garbage bins. Jenna, Ellen, and I had to laugh more than usual when Katie belted out "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne (thanks to Craig Mabbitt). Nearing the end of the day, we spot a kid that looks like Nick Jonas. He must have thought we were scary. Ellen and I were sitting on top of garbage bins and Jenna on her chair when we yelled for him to come over. "Hey you! You! Kid with the hat! Get over here!" He must have thought we were weirder for laughing and asking him for a picture. Whatever. We thought it was boss. It would've been funny if it ended up being Nick Jonas. After all, we were in Jersey and the JoBros are from there... THEN we saw Bex and called her over for some chat time. It was great seeing familiar faces again. OH! Did I mention some dude with an accent (I thought he had an accent) helped me find the boobies! stickers during work? Urgh. I love that man for life. He made sure I didn't lose any more brain cells by holding the lid open for me and made sure I didn't fall into the garbage bin ala Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls (which by the way... we kept referencing all nine days). Then, surprise surprise. Katie and Erica got us catering! YAY! It was fucking delicious I tell you. We had pita (I had falafel while Jenna and Ellen had chicken), corn, rice w/ a hint of lemon, hummus, pita triangles, a spinach puff, and a coconut/chocolate chip square. One of the best meals EVER. We left after breakdown again. Jenna and I went into a rest stop at one point while Ellen slept in the backseat. No snaps for the Hamptons Inn in Harrisburg, PA. ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE! Seriously. It took us awhile to find a hotel, but we did find one (Holiday Inn).

July 29

Fuck. Driving on three hours of sleep is not my kind of fun. Either way, we made it. The only day we knew the date was that MCS joined the tour! Yay! Jenna was uber stoked. It was hilarious whenever someone was like "What's the date?" She'd automatically blurt out "July 29!" Oh Pittsburgh. We had a weird location where we could hear a shitload. We were by the ramp, KIA/Kevin Says, and Highway 1. Um, I believe this was also the day when all the injured people came by. Seriously. WHY? We had a very dehydrated mom, a kid who got his face messed up thanks to a FTSK pit, and a kid who needed solution for his contacts. Whatever, we took care of all of them! Go team GG/KAB! This was also the day we got new merch and when some random girl stops me on my way to the bathroom. I don't remember a name but she stopped me because she recognized me from MySpace thanks to Dan. She seriously asks me "Aren't you friends with ClanDan?" OMG. Talk about hilarious and creepy. Then we have Corey who does merch for Reel Big Fish. He made it a point to give his tips as donation for KAB. Love that dude. He's crazy with a big heart. I think that it was all starting to catch up to us (well, at least for Ellen and me). Ellen fell asleep on the ground and I fell asleep on one of our crates and the handle of the water cooler. Jenna, on the other hand, was fucking WIRED!?! Again, maybe it had to do with the fact MCS was on tour. Either way, she was the bundle of energy and we were the walking dead. HAHA. I remember the look on Erica's face when she and Katie get back with catering. She starts off with telling me "We'll eat quickly and then you guys can eat." However, when she saw the dead look on my face she sits me down and shoves my plate of food into my hands. I fucking love those girls. They let the three of us eat and they took over the tables. Might I add, Erinn and her friends are still there and they were GLARING at us. WTF-ever. They can just kiss my ass. We worked hard for our meal! It was pasta, salad, protein (I got fake teriyaki meat and the girls got chicken), toasted bread, and a sugar cookie. Yeah. I bit into that sugar cookie and was like "Bitch you wish you had some!" (In my mind that is...) Broke down and caught MCS and their set. Fucking AMAZING. I fucking CRASHED when we got back to the car... as usual. Thank goodness we already had a hotel.

July 30

Cincinnati set up was weird. Instead of the usual stripe tent with Girlz Garge written on it, we got this HUGE green tent that we shared with Myspace. It was drizzling for a couple of minutes before doors, but other than that... it was sunny and HUMID AS FUCK. Whatever. We dealt with it. We saw Every Avenue play acoustically next door and my oh my, we captured their attentions with our little dance party at the GG/KAB. We totally got a shout out! Thanks Dave! Funny story, after their set ended... I head over to talk to them about buying some CDs. I talked to Dave first then I ended up talking to Josh (who is freakishly tall). Anywho, I think I pissed some teenies off when I stole Josh away from them. HAHA. Honestly, all I did was ask for three CDs and if he'd bring them over since we were working. Dude busts out his SK and was like "Hold on. I'll have someone bring them over." Of course, I bust out my SK and text Ellen because he was wearing the dreaded Jac Vanek bracelet (ew). There was some silence and some glares from the teenies. You think they thought we were exchanging digits. I swear, I would've died if glares were lethal. Anyway, I made my way back to the KAB table and leave Josh to his hoard of whores. Ellen, Jenna, and I go back to work when Josh comes back and gives us the CDs. Told him to keep the change but he gives us an extra CD (which we gave to Dan). Then there was the 3OH!3 dance party with guest appearances from Cisco Adler and Shwayze. That shit was bananas!!! We tore it up behind the KAB tables. Then Erica decides to take Ellen, Jenna, and I onstage for Say Anything and MCS. Of course, the three of us are snickering in the background. PARCA!!! We got more glares from Erinn and clan. Oh well. We bust our ass working. After work we headed to the hotel. I crashed in the backseat while Jenna and Ellen had driving duties. Tomtom, we decided, had a fever and was in need of some Emergen-C. We met up with Dan, Roy, Cara, and Laurel. Man. What a night.

July 31

So this morning was utter shit in my book. To start things off, I didn't get enough sleep. I fell off the bed because I got shoved off and I landed on my bad knee. Then we get to the venue, find out the GG/KAB girls were in trouble and didn't have wristbands. Jenna and I had to find our way in somehow since Ellen would be leaving us and working at the Hopeless tent with Dan. It was such a sad morning. Erica and Katie were bummed out to the point Erica was like "You don't have to set those up if you don't feel like it" and Katie was like "Take a break" all during set up. Oh well. I felt a whole lot better when Dan and Ellen dropped by the tent. Seriously. I hugged the living shit out of them because I was about to breakdown and cry. Don't worry, things got better from there... We saw Gerry who worked for promo for the Pineapple Express. Urgh. That dude always makes me smile with his fabulousness. I taught him how to say Good Morning in Hawaiian. Amazing. "Aloha." "Aloha." "Kakahiaka." "Kakahi-whaaa???" "Ka." "Ka." "Ka." "Ka." "He." "He." "Ah." "Ah." "Ka." "Ka." "Aloha Kakahiaka." "Aloha Kakahiaka. I SAID IT!!!" Talked to Scott from AP and we (Jenna, Scott, and I) discussed how we hated Indiana and how people in Indiana don't even like their homestate. Later on in the day Lisa and Katie come up with a new game called No Hands No Feet [On Your Seat]. Ellen dropped by and we introduced it to her. I believe she was the closest to winning. Then was our first (well... we thought it was our first) encounter with Mike who works for PTH. Katie and I vote Ellen to be the one to demonstrate the game when he came in... That dude was crazy and jumped on the squishy cushion!!! He could've died! There's so much I want to say about that dude, but I'll save it for the next entry! We broke down eventually and we headed over to the Hopeless tent. I finally "met" Tom. Haha. I just love the minute I said something violent he approved of my existence. LOL. I believe it was along the lines of hitting Jenna in her sleep with a pillowcase full of bricks. HAHAHA. I was joking of course. We had Chili's that night and Dan walked around barefoot because his Nike's weren't completely broken in. At Chili's we sat by Anberlin!!! We (well, mostly Ellen and I) were like OMG! Headed back to Chicago to Jenna's and my condo. Straightened Dan's hair. Showered. Slept. Oh it was great to be back.

August 01

Drove to Milwaukee and stopped at a McDonalds for breakfast. WHAT?! No BK??? That's okay. I got to eat pancakes. There was a Chipotle in the freaking venue. How insane was that? Anywho, Ellen and I met up and found the bathrooms before doors. We saw the new GG/KAB volunteers and my oh my. I wanted to slap them. Whatever. Erica got Jenna and I chocolate milk (I got chocolate soy and Jenna got regular) earlier and it put me in a good mood. Danny picked on us. It was to be expected. He got into the habit of picking on us during set up and break down. Saw a bunch of our Chicago peeps and it made me smile so damn much. I believe I tackled Nikki and Patrick when they approached our tent. HAHAHA. Oh well. OMG! How forgetful am I? I haven't mention Shanti OR Greg up until now!!! Urgh. Cutest fucking couple EVER. They usually play an acoustic set at the GG and my oh my, I love them to death. They are the most down to earth people that I have encountered. Greg is the singer for the Bouncing Souls. (OMG FREAK OUT!!!) Every time Shanti sings he has this smile on his face and it's like the entire world drowns out and there is only Shanti. Anywho, I talked to Greg before and today we decided to talk about herbal tea. Haha. Oh I know. They cheered us us the day before and played Sunshine. Wow, I need to stop going off on tangents. ANYWAY, they played another set for us in the Girlz Garage and we look after one of their babies (one of their guitars). Lisa drops by later on that day and is fucking high on life. I think she had one too many Emergen-C packets. Homegirl grabs a megaphone and starts singing songs much like Katie and Erica did a couple days ago. There was a line for the Gym Class Heroes signing for the Myspace tent which was next door and I think she scared a couple of people. I text Ellen and she heads over to witness the entire spectacular and Dan comes along. We all laugh because she graduates from megaphone to microphone. She sang some Bayside songs on the Myspace stage next door. Hilarious. Then the four of us (Dan, Ellen, Jenna, and I) head over to see Cobra's set. THANK YOU DAN!!! We end up onstage and have a bunch of fun. Though, I still hold that I will get pink eye thanks to Gabe. Dude comes up to Dan, Ellen, and me and gives us the sweatiest hug ever. Poor Ellen. Gabe lifted his shirt and put it over Ellen's head. He decides to wipe his back sweat all over Dan. Me? I end up getting his right chest/armpit. He pulled smacked my head right there and my sunglasses move up and my left side of my face has Gabe sweat all over it. Yeah. SOOOO fun. After the set, Jenna gets a text and the GG/KAB girls are taking us out to dinner. Well we break down and stuff. Turns out all the boys wanna hang with us. Danny, Ince, Corey, and Tony. Urgh. LOVE those dudes. They were all like "ARE YOU GONNA GO TO THE PARTY TONIGHT?!" Back to dinner. Turned out that it would be the GG/KAB girls plus Lisha (I think that's how you spell it) and Mike. There was a little drama before we left for dinner. There were cab rides and a potential bar brawl. "blah blah blah... FUCK YOU!" Oh Michelle. Our ride back to Riptide in the one little cab was worth it thought. Michelle was hanging out a window. Our cab driver plays Tupac, Dr. Dre, and Snoop Dog. The ladies and I are fucking hood and rapping and being fly. Dinner was awesome. Ellen and I split dinner and Erica paid for EVERYONE. During dinner, us three had a heart-to-heart with Mike. I swear... this is too long. He gets his own section...

MIKE

ANYWHO, like I was saying, we had a heart-to-heart with Mike. At first, I thought it was gonna be awkward. Mike was in our tent earlier that day and we walked to Riptide with him. He didn't say much so yeah. HOWEVER, when we got back to Riptide (longer story... no time... I'm tired and want to finish this entry soon HAHAHA) it was different. Mike ended up sitting at the corner of the table next to me, Ellen, and Jenna. At first it was uncomfortable but then we all got to talking. I don't know exactly what broke the ice, but the ice broke to the point Mike was like "Here, try this." It was a fucking martini. HAHA. Oh, now I remember. We (us 3 ladies) talked about tomorrow being our last day on the tour and how Chicago was our home base. Anyway, we all got to talking and we turned to Mike for some advice since we felt SOOOO shitty about the minor drama beforehand. I believe we said we needed a man's opinion on the situation. He was totally helpful and gave us so much advice on what to do. Seriously. He didn't have to listen to us or give us his opinion, but he did. Mike listened to us and didn't interrupt us. Not once. What made me smile and swoon a bit was when he basically adopted us as his little sisters. Urgh. I would throwdown for him. We all would. Especially after the story Katie told me the next day... I promise, there will be more about him in the August 2nd excerpt...

BACK TO August 01

Anywho, after dinner... Jenna, Ellen, and I run into this dude named Andrew. HAHA. Fucking HILARIOUS! He was totally drunk off his ass. Then my mood was killed for some reason when I was driving back. TOTALLY sorry guys that I was in a bitchy mood. However, my mood made Dan laugh so I guess that's okay. I learned some stuff from Dan and Steven about what happened when the girls and I were at dinner. Yeah. Totally pissed me off but I'm not saying it here. What I will say is: Oh HELL no!!!

August 02

Oh this day was so bittersweet. It was our last day working. Well, we had Burger King for breakfast. Dan and I made a tater tot tower. It was amazing. For some reason, BK gave us more tater tots than usual. Ellen and I usually shared but they gave us an extra cup! HAHAHA. Set up was easy that morning. Plus, Tim and Ryan were there again filming us! I don't know why they were filming us (they were there at the Milwaukee date too). Anywho, said good morning to Ince and Danny. Ince, BTW, was like "I didn't see you at the BBQ yesterday." I was so shocked that he actually looked for us. LOVE that dude even though we only really met the day before! Danny tried to kick me when I was looking for our wire racks. "Watch where you're going!" Of course he had a smile on his face. When we had to hold fort down, texted Ellen to come by so that the three of us could work on our surprise for the GG/KAB ladies. See, we found this totally sweet card that had a chopper on it and went VROOM VROOM. We wrote our thank you's, filled the gift bag with goodies, and had a secret word (banana) if the ladies were on their way. We were very stealth about it mind you. The day carried along as usual, except, I think Jenna and I took more breaks that day. Katie and Erica brought us lunch and then we learned that Mike made them! How fucking sweet! I told you I'd write about him again. The lunches were fucking PACKED. Jenna got TWO different kinds of sandwiches and I got different kinds of macaroni!!! Jenna gave her sub to Ellen who came back with her. We presented our gifts at one point. They were stoked about our awesome card. We could tell. Hahaha. OH! Katie had me chug a can of cold Warped water since I was sleepy. Of course, she asked Jessica to stab the can and had me shotlight it. HAHAHA. Jenna could only shake her head. Mike left and came back and asked Ellen how the drama ended up and was glad to hear everything was back to normal again. LOVE that dude. Corey dropped by earlier that day with a new drawing (on a dollar bill) and asks for the godzilla one back because he has to finish coloring it. During break down, the XBOX 360 tent (or maybe Myspace) was playing some 90s pop music. Ellen, Jenna, and I couldn't resist. I think Mike thought we were insane. Oh Canadians... they missed out. HAHAHA. We danced to Bye, Bye, Bye. Speaking of missing out, Mike had no idea what confetti poppers were! Let's just say he had a blast and wanted to start shooting it at people. HAHA. Katie and Erica made sure to keep them away from him. We loaded the trucks and said our goodbyes. Danny was out of it and I felt bad. Ince made up for it though. I gave him the biggest hug and I think he may have cracked a few bones in my back. I already said bye to Gerry earlier and he gave Jenna and I cozies and Java Monster Energy Drinks. ANYWAY... We weren't done with our presents for the GG/KAB ladies. However, they didn't accept it because they said we've done enough for them. We tried to donate money but they flat out refused. There was some serious back-and-forth going on. I swear, if someone was paying attention to us... they would've stolen the cash mid-shove. After our goodbyes, we headed to the Hopeless tent to chill. After that, saw 3OH!3, Say Anything (though it was a special show since Max was sick and it was more of a Say Anything karaoke thing), and MCS. What a great way to end Warped Tour, wouldn't you agree?

Urgh. I couldn't have asked for a better Warped roadtrip. I will miss our Burger King mornings... I will miss draining my battery every day... I will miss hanging out with Ellen and Jenna in the Saturn Ion... I will miss all the people we met along the way.

SHOUTOUT: Erica, Katie, Michelle, Jessica, Mike, Tom, Danny, Ince, Corey, Lisa, Gerry, Lisha, Tony, Mikey, Shanti, Greg, Scott, crazy dude that works AP w/ Scott sometimes, dude who helped me find stickers, Dave, Josh, Leigh, Irene, Merch Dan, Lipski, Cobra Starship, Say Anything, Motion City Soundtrack, Anberlin, All Time Low, dudes who made our food, Tim, Ryan, our awesome cab driver in Milwaukee, Andrew, Andrew's friend... there are so much more...

Pictures to come later... sorry that they'll be shitty. I took them with my SK.

Jul. 8th, 2008

m e l a n c h o l i c .

Tonight I've reached another breaking point. Dad, I don't know how to put this... but you don't even realize how much your words can cut deep. "Ha. Look how much bigger your arms are to mine." "Your stomach bulges out." "God you're heavy! How much you weigh now?" "If you have a boyfriend, I won't talk to you. Don't even come home if you do." "Pshh. When I was in school, I had a higher G.P.A. than you." "You? Stressed? You're not the one working!" "If you don't do better than Vicky or Kerilynn, bah, I gon be so ashamed." I bite my tongue and swallow down my pride each time you make these comments. Even if you say this with a laugh, it still cuts deep. And when I do mention that it bothers me, you say that I'm just being stupid. And when I make flippant comments like that, you get angry with me... sometimes to the point where I think you want to beat the living life out of me. Honestly, I can't breathe anymore. After years of taking this verbal assault, I've reached the edge.

I'M NOT PERFECT AND NEITHER ARE YOU.

Mom, I wish you would stop defending him. It only encourages him further. You tell me "You know how your dad is..." as if that solves everything. While you may see it as not defending him, you are. You do NOTHING to correct it. I see how uncomfortable you get time to time when you actually catch him saying this to me. And when you see me distressed, you dismiss it promptly. You do NOTHING to console me or to reassure me that he is wrong. Sometimes I think you feel the same way too.

I am no longer that prepubescent teenager that you once knew. I am no longer that person. You preferred it when I had no opinions of my own. You preferred it when I kept quiet. I do not miss those days at all. The people I surrounded myself with... You liked them because they fit into your perfect world. They looked "normal." I found myself shit talking people that I didn't even KNOW. I found myself being superficial. But you didn't care. As long as I kept quiet and followed the plan, everything was a'okay. After I met Jaime you didn't like it one bit. You saw me change. I no longer hung out with those shit talking backstabbers. Instead, I hung out with the people you warned me about. The people that dressed differently, that listened to the "devil's" music. I no longer mirrored your opinions and developed my very own thoughts. What ever happened to never judging a person before getting to know them? I find it very hypocritical of you both... The things you say sometimes... they can be so damn ignorant. When I point it out to you, dad especially, you GLARE at me and tell me I'm being dumb and that you're not being stereotypical.

If I was average, would you have still been proud to tell your friends that I was your daughter? I feel that all you do is brag to them about my accomplishments. I bet if I gave you a simple questionnaire you wouldn't even know the answers. Neither of you know my favorite color or my favorite flower. You don't know my fears. You don't know my likes or my dislikes. You don't know what movies make me cry. You don't know ME. You never have taken the time to know me. To you, I am a nationally ranked scholar. To you, I am the ticket to recognition. You say I am your daughter, yet you have been absent in my life. My grandparents had a larger role in my upbringing, grandpa especially.

He is one of the only two relatives in this godforsaken family who sees me as an actual person. Never did he pressure me into anything. When it came to my life, all he ever wanted was for me to do what I wanted. He wanted me do things that made me HAPPY. I remember him distinctly telling me to ignore you and your requests. He was the only one that ever made sure that I had a childhood. Grandpa would let me play outside with the other kids and engaging in rough housing. I remember how ANNOYED you were when he told you guys to let me practice TKD and tryout for the basketball team. I was a girl. You saw it fit for me to be prim and proper. Oh how I despised those etiquette classes you made me go to. The only reason you relented was because I ended up having natural talent. Gave you another reason to brag... Grandpa was worried that I would crack under the pressure you've placed upon me. If only he was around to see the damage you caused after he and grandma left for the Philippines. He would have put a stop to your domineering ways. He would have told you to lighten up. Maybe then I wouldn't have had to LIE so much just to even catch a break.

YES I LIED TO YOU.

But it was the only way I could even have a shot at normalcy. GOD. I miss him so much. At least I knew that he would NEVER put me down or make me feel incompetent. At least I knew that he would ACCEPT me for who I was, FLAWS AND ALL. At least I knew that it was OKAY not to be perfect. But with the both of you, I feel like I can NEVER win.

I've learned to smile despite the heavy heart. But now... there are cracks to my once perfect mask. I can't seem to hold back those tears anymore. I'm on the verge of TRULY breaking down. These little outbursts are nothing in comparison to what is to come... I can FEEL it. I just hope you're ready for the day you realize that I AM HUMAN.

Jun. 28th, 2008

s c h e d .

July 05 - 3 Doors Down
July 06 - Everclear
July 15 - Flight to Cleveland
July 17 - Warped Tour [Cleveland] Girlz Garage/KAB
July 25 - Warped Tour [Selinsgrove] Girlz Garage/KAB
July 26 - Warped Tour [Uniondale] Girlz Garage/KAB
July 27 - Warped Tour [Scranton] Girlz Garage/KAB
July 28 - Warped Tour [Englishtown] Girlz Garage/KAB
July 29 - Warped Tour [Pittsburgh] Girlz Garage/KAB
July 30 - Warped Tour [Cincinnati] Girlz Garage/KAB
July 31 - Warped Tour [Noblesville] Girlz Garage/KAB
August 01 - Warped Tour [Milwaukee] Girlz Garage/KAB
August 02 - Warped Tour [Chicago] Girlz Garage/KAB

Jun. 25th, 2008

e n r a g e d .

It's so scary nowadays how people can steal your information. A few weeks ago, we received a statement from our old credit card company saying that we made a new purchase. However, neither of us recall making any purchases on that date online. Well, this morning my mother called and asked what it was for. Let's just say I'm rather sick and disgusted that someone used MY NAME and MY OLD EMAIL ACCOUNT to subscribe to something so vile. It's so scary how people can easily access things and take on your whole identity.

My dad is planning on calling the FBI to track the damn perp. I hope they catch his or her ass. If this was someone's way of getting some laughs or revenge, I'll be the one with the last laugh. Did you know that identity theft is a type of fraud? And did you know that this type of fraud, if found guilty, can land you a jail sentence and 1 to 3 years of probation? Yeah. I don't like it when people steal money from me. And in this case, it's worse because money can be earned back... But this? My identity, my credibility, my dignity... all of that has been stolen from me. Fuck you, asshole.

I hope they catch you so that when I see you in court, I can punch you in the ovaries... even if you have testicles. You low life sick bastard. I have access to the best lawyers in the state of Hawaii and California. Don't think for once I'm going down without a fight. I will make sure whoever you are, gets the maximum sentence for identity fraud. I know it's a far stretch, but I know my team of lawyers can make it a one-hundred percent REALITY. Okay thanks, BYE.

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